she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
