i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
