Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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