capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well you can't waste a boner
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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