I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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