Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
