Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
