I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
