mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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