How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
