so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
