i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
