I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
