I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
