I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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