: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
