Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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