So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
