Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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