Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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