My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
