my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
