Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
COCAINE IS GR8
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
