i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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