Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
