I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
