how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
