i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
