mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
