That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
