Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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