Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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