you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
