I want to have your abortion
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
