i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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