The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
