I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
