I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
