my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
