Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
