she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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