On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
