So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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