I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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