As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
