And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
