Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
