Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
