I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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