He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
