When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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