Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
