Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
