i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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